Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
