Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
