I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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