Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
