I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
