I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
