My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
