There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
