I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
