A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
