i already hear my dad disowning me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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