Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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