Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
