I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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