I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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