Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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