insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
