she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
