I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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