I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
