lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
