I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
