Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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