Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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