Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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