Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
