Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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