I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
