I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
