i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
