real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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