The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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