Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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