Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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