Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
