PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
