Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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