Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
