I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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