SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
