oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
