I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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