People in love make me want to vomit
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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