My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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