we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
