batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
