I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
