R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
