what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
