My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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