while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
