how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
