Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
