that's an acceptable place to lick
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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