I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
