One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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