His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
