I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
