Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
