I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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