She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
