My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
