You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
