I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
