I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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