just tell him i said nine months
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
