The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
