I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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