Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
