if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
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