After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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