my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
