doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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