i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
