I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
