I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
