i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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