i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
my liver is dry heaving
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
