Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
