i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
