hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
