I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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