I wanna passion pit in your ass
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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