Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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