OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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