I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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