If i come over, it means nothing
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
