Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
