spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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