Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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